A Day Aboard the Van Eltia
by Insert Typical Username Here
Summary: A look into the relatively simple life the Van Eltia guild lives. One-shot.


Since this is my first, I shall perform the time-honoréd ritual at Fanfiction: the disclaimer. DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, excepting only some Original Characters of mine. Hopefully, they and the story they come from shall be translated into a manga. Thank you, and have a nice day.

The dying sun shone upon the waters as the Van Eltia drifted over the ocean. All was well.

"Everyone, it's time for dinner!" Kanonno Earheart's cheerful voice rang throughout the multi-level airship. From the various rooms and hallways, the shuffling of feet and the pounding of running steps could be heard. As normal, the first to arrive at the dinner table were Lloyd Irving, Rid Hershel, and Stahn Aileron. Cless, Mint, and the others appeared before long. As the seats began to fill up throughout the cafeteria, Veigue noticed that something was off. "Where's Arche?" he inquired.

"Hey, you're right! She's not here!" responded Stahn. "Now that you mention it, where's Luke?"

"I can't find Raine, either." Lloyd said, frowning.

"Flynn's missing as well." added Yuri. "Somethings not right . . ."

The others murmured their consent. Then Mao piped up, "Hey, Kannonno! Who's cooking dinner tonight? What's taking them so long?"

"Whaddaya mean?" asked Kanonno. "Everyone's here, so the food should be ready in a moment."

"Wait, you mean . . . ." Lloyd asked, his eyes widening.

"Uh-huh!" Kanonno nodded. "I asked Flynn, Arche, Raine, and Luke to help make dinner. They seemed relatively happy to do so, so I unlocked the kitchen and let them have at it!" she finished cheerfully.

There was a collective gasp. Regal and Genis exchanged worried looks, while Yuri deadpanned "We are_ so_ dead."

However, not everyone at the various tables understood the horror of the moment. Rid complained about the food taking too long, and Stahn fell asleep. Veigue asked Regal, "Is their cooking really that bad?"

"You don't know the half of it," the Lezerano president replied. "Have you ever had spicy cake before?"

"Spicy cake?" Veigue raised an eyebrow.

"Woah, gross!" exclaimed Tytree. "That's five stars on the creepy scale!"

"Not only that, but Flynn has no tastebuds," smirked Yuri. "Apparently Mr. Fone Fabre has the same problem."

"Arche nearly killed us. With a rice ball," Chester snarked. Mint gave him a disapproving look, to which he only shrugged. "What? It's true."

Rutee snorted. "It can't be _that_ bad. I mean, it's not like I'll have to use First Aid or Raise Dead or something."

Kratos shuddered. "I wouldn't be too sure."

After several minutes of uneasy chatter and clammy hands, a wonderful smell drifted into the auditorium. Rid, who had fainted from hunger, immediately revived. Stahn, Mao, and Karol started drooling and looked towards the door in anticipation. Others who knew the skill level of those cooking sniffed the air and wore confused looks.

"Maybe the Professor succeeded this time!" Collete said hopefully.

"All four of them? Conveniently in the space of a couple hours?" Cless asked dubiously. "Maybe if we run now we could-"

"It's heeeere!" Kanonno chirped as the double doors to the kitchen swung open. All eyes looked at the now-open space as everyone leaned forward, trying to get a glimpse of the ones cooking. They prepared for the worst. Lloyd grimaced and closed his eyes . . .

. . . and opened them again when he heard a collective gasp. Lloyd could not blame them, as he could not stifle one of his own. What lay before them, laden on several carts, was a feast for kings. It didn't just look edible, which was a miracle in itself, but it looked _good!_ It didn't just look _good_, it looked _great!_ It didn't just look _great_, it looked . . . Lloyd's thought processes trailed off as he saw the others out of the corner of his eye, looking like they were thinking the same thing. The cooks stood by their creations, smiling or smirking out of triumph.

"Well, whaddaya think?" pressed Arche.

"Tolja I could do it," bragged Luke.

"Hey Yuri, this is my finest yet!" said Flynn after seeing the look of shock on his friend's face.

"I put a lot of effort into this experiment. I would like to see some positive results, _especially_ from you two," said Raine pointedly to a dumbfounded Regal and Genis.

"Well, eat up, guys!" proclaimed the pink-haired witch.

No sooner had the words left her mouth than Rid bolted out of his seat and grabbed whatever he could get his hands on. He rushed back to his seat and began devouring everything at breakneck, or breakstomach, speed. Others got up and moved over to the food carts. Yuri picked out something made by Flynn, and Genis and Regal selected some of Raine's dishes. The would-be consumers sat back down.

They hesitated.

The small voice in the back of their head said, "Wait! Appearance can be deceiving. Is it possible that four of the worst cooks could make something this good?"

Claire glanced around nervously. No one wanted to take the first-well, second, bite. Rid wasn't really one to take as an example, seeing as he ate Arche's food on his first day at the guild—and _liked_ it. She sighed. If no one else was going to , then she would. She stuck her fork into a suspiciously appetizing stuffed mushroom, lifted it to her mouth and took a bite. Everyone was watching her with baited breath. All was fine as she slowly chewed the fungi , tasting it. All of a sudden, her eyes shot wide open. Her body went rigid as she gripped her fork so hard her knuckles blanched.

"Oh? Is it so good that you're at a loss for words?" Stahn asked cheerfully while everyone looked on in shock. "Might as well try some!"

He stuck his fork into a pie and jammed it into his mouth. Straightaway his eyes flew open in horror. He made a sort of gurgling, strangled sound as the excruciatingly painful taste flooded his senses. He clutched at his throat and fell backwards fro the table, twitching and foaming.

"Ah! Stahn!" Rutee cried.

"Claire!" Veigue rushed over to his childhood friend. "Are you all right?!"

"I-I'm fine," she stammered (after swallowing, of course). "I don't think it's really that . . . bad . . .?" she said dazedly.

Veigue looked dubious. "As long as you're all right . . ." He returned to his seat._Might as well try some_, he thought. He cut off a piece of steak and speared it with his fork, a hand on a glass of hot tea just in case. He placed the steak in his mouth. His hand clenched. His chest tightened. His near-boiling tea froze over. He covered his mouth after dropping the fork and tried to hold back the bile that rose in his throat. By this time, all of the would-be diners noticed that the food was . . . subpar. Phillia cried, "There's a tentacle in my soup!"

"Yes, that's the Country Supper Surprise!" exclaimed Raine, nearly in Ruin Mode. "I substituted the recipe for country supper soup with various foodstuffs to bring out the flavor even more, such as replacing the beef with raw squid and the beans with cow tongue!"

Phillia paled.

Suddenly, the tormented chatter and cries of anguish were drowned out by two unearthly shrieks. Lines of vision flew over to what had caused the noise. What they saw were the resident members of the Aurion family, swords drawn, backed up against the wall, unmoving, staring at their plates.

"What's the matter?" inquired Farah.

"Is anything wrong?" asked Eugene.

"I-I-I-I-It's a-a-a-a t-t-t-to-" Lloyd stammered.

"A tomato," Kratos whispered.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Tear, deliberately looking away from her dish (made by Luke) that had spontaneously combusted and turned to ash.

"Lloyd and Kratos hate tomatoes," responded the blond Chosen.

"A-A-And-And-" Lloyd stammered.

"It's moving," Kratos whispered.

"Nonsense," Yuri said, pushing away the vegetable gunk that was _supposed_ to be the vegetable dish by Flynn. "That's a bunch of—WHOA!" he cried, jumping back as a demonic tomato attacked him.

"Oh, that's just my tomato casserole," Arche cheerfully supplied. "I got some tomato monsters and baked them into there."

"I-I-I-I-" Lloyd stammered.

"It's mutating." Kratos whispered.

"What's up with the repetitive way of talking?" Keele snarked. Guy sweatdropped. Somewhere, the Fourth Wall gleamed.

Repede took one look at his dog "food," sniffed, recoiled, and left.

"Hey, Leon's out cold!" Klarth exclaimed while shaking the young Swordian Master. "C'mon, wake up!"

"What? Brother!" Rutee cried.

Amidst all this chaos, the four cooks remained oblivious to the panic. They just thought that the others were having fun.

The first sign that dinner was over was when Cless and Mint rushed Chester to the infirmary. Shortly after, Chat helped Suzu back to her room. The others started to trickle out of the cafeteria, holding various body parts that were in pain. Rid was finally left with the cooks, who too left to clean up.

"I guess the meal was a success, huh?" asked Flynn.

"We definitely gained a lot of valuable information," agreed Raine.

"We should do this again sometime," declared Luke.

"Totally!" Arche nodded her head.

In the cafeteria, Rid suddenly stopped, got up and walked away. His face started to loose its color and his insides felt uneasy. He made his way up to the room he shared with Keele and locked himself into the bathroom. _So, even Rid's iron stomach was broken under the power of their . . . cooking__,_ thought Keele, who was lying on the bed with a cold towel pressed to his head.

Approximately an hour later after numerous vomitings, bad BMs, and other internal issues, Genis slowly crept up to his room. He lightly knocked. Lloyd opened the door, holding his stomach. "Ugh, Genis?" Lloyd asked groggily. "What's up?"

"Ssh!" Genis shushed. "Get everyone that's able to move and go down to the storage room.

"Why?"

"It's a surprise."

"By the way, where were you at dinner? I noticed that you had left."

"Later. Just get everyone."

"Oh, well, whatever." Lloyd muttered and shut the door.

Several minutes later, a small group had gathered near the storage area.

"What's going on?" asked Claire.

"Yeah, I want to know!" piped up Estelle.

"Well, since everyone's here, I guess it's okay. Wait, before that, where are Raine, Arche, Flynn and Luke?" questioned Genis.

"I saw them heading back to their rooms," Suzu replied. "They finished cleaning up, locked the kitchen and headed off to bed. They did that after they came here."

"Okay, theeeen . . .." Genis began, reaching for the storage door. "Voila!"

Inside was . . .food. Not just food, an entire banquet. And standing by the food were Regal, Tytree, and Farah. Kratos was standing in the corner as well.

"What is this?" Veigue asked.

"We left right after Stahn passed out. Regal got Tytree, Yuri, and I to come along downstairs where some spare food was kept. Jade figured out what we were up to and unlocked the storeroom for us. Kratos, being an angel, detected us with his senses and figured that we might want to know if the Terrible Four got wind of this operation. He also wanted to check if there were any monsters running around in the storeroom."

"Food's ready," proclaimed Regal.

"Eat up! As usual, this meal was made with lo-" Yuri was cut off by the crowd rushing to the "sight for sore eyes" before them. The consumers attacked the food, hungry after losing the contents of their insides to the cooking of the Terrible Four.

When all was said and done, the adventurers left full and happy. They returned to their rooms to start a new day. The sun had set, the lights were off, and the Van Eltia drifted lazily over the ocean.

As for all still being well, let's just say that things could have been worse.

First fic, written a while ago. If it ain't that good, you now know why. Criticism is welcome.


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